About This Post
After yesterday’s Aphorisms post, I had the idea to share a real breakdown of the writing process as I go through it. So below I’ve shown the evolution of the “bad” aphorism I improvised for a technical demonstration in the Aphoristic Writing Guide. I chose to workshop this aphorism because when I wrote it I got the feeling, “Ooo this one is significantly off the mark, and it would take some work.” I wanted you to be able to see me work through a more challenging case. And it did end up being a challenge.
Aphoristic writing is a useful stylistic exercise to improve writing generally, true. But think about this. Given the truncated structure of most online writing content, it really pays to be able to say something true and meaningful in a small space—and in an interesting way that leaves a surprising impression and makes people think.
I’ll include a bit more commentary at the end. Here’s the aphorism from its first draft to final version.
Process Breakdown
1. Many people love yoga because it helps them relax and let go after a long day at work; bars are popular for the same reason, and yet we don’t sell alcohol as a health elixir.
2. Many go to yoga classes because it helps them relax and let go after a long day at work; bars are popular for the same reason, and yet we don’t sell alcohol as a health elixir.
3. Many say yoga classes help them relax and let go after a long work day; these aren’t so different from the reasons people frequent bars, and yet we don’t sell rum and coke as a health elixir.
*rum and coke is more specific and engaging than “alcohol”
4. Many go to yoga to relax and let go of stress after a long work day; these aren’t so different from the reasons people frequent bars, and yet we don’t sell rum and coke as a health elixir.
*Exception: yoga has health benefits because you move your body. A direct comparison of these behaviors is not accurate. There’s something here, but but to change the focus of the statement.
5. Many go to yoga to relax and let go of stress after a long work day; bars seem to have similar benefits, and yet bar patrons aren’t in the habit of touting rum and coke as a health elixir.
*This changes the focus to using the relaxation benefits as evidence for the health of an activity. Still feels like it’s missing something.
6. Many go to yoga to relax and let go of stress after a long work day; bars seem to have similar benefits, and yet bar patrons aren’t in the habit of touting Jack and coke as a health elixir.
*Jack and coke has more feeling than rum and coke
7. Many attend yoga classes to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars seem to have similar benefits, and yet most bar patrons don’t tout Jack and coke as a health elixir.
8. Many find yoga classes are a great way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars have a similar appeal, and yet bar patrons don’t tout Jack and coke as a health elixir.
*Still a problem. Because people might advocate yoga for the same reasons, but there is a difference between yoga and drinking in terms of side effects. How to rectify this? Because there are side effects of yoga. They’re just not as immediate or obvious in terms of causality. Maybe find a way to include these side effects. Chronic joint pain and hip replacements being very common among long term practitioners, for example.
*Fundamental insight: people confuse distraction and euphoria with emotional progress.
9. Many find yoga classes are a great way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars have a similar appeal, and yet bar patrons aren’t convinced that Jack and coke is the path to healing trauma.
*Got closer with this one.
10. Many find yoga classes are a great way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars have a similar appeal, yet few are convinced Jack and coke heals psycho-emotional trauma.
11. Many find yoga classes are a great way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars have a similar appeal. Perhaps there ought to be a cult that claims to heal psycho-emotional trauma with Jack and coke and wears cork necklaces.
*reference to male beads, compared with cork necklace. Not sure this works. Needs refining.
12. Many find yoga classes are a great way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day; bars have a similar appeal—and yet we find an absence of cults wearing cork necklaces, touting Jack and coke as a healer of psycho-emotional trauma.
*inconsistency: yoga has spiritual facets that can address existential and psychological questions. The yoga sutras and Bhagavad Gita, for example.
13. Many use yoga simply as a way to relax and let go of stress after a hard work day. Bars have a similar appeal, and yet you won’t find the patrons at O’Sullivan’s wearing cork necklaces, touting Jack and coke as a healer of psycho-emotional trauma.
*new fundamental insight: even practices that appear to be healthy can be used as coping mechanisms which enable dysfunctional behavior. This should be the center of the meaning.
*take a break and come back tomorrow
14. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on with the same patterns that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: yoga as the Jack and coke of new age spiritualism.
*this changes the focus from the activity itself, to the way people USE the activity in service of dysfunctional behavior.
14. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on with the same patterns that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: yoga as the Jack and coke of new age spiritualism, with hangovers exchanged for hip replacements.
*and there’s the side effect reference. was able to slip in hip replacements. This also has the effect of making people think on the potential negative physical impact of yoga asana, when mostly only the positives get addressed. Phrasing still needs work.
15. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on in the same patterns that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: Yoga studios as the bars of new age spiritualism; Jack and coke hangovers traded for hip replacements.
16. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on in the same patterns that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: pubs traded for yoga studios; Jack and coke traded for sweaty vinyasa, hangovers traded for hip replacements.
*Time to murder my darling. Jack and coke isn’t fitting here, and I’m wasting effort trying to make it work. Liked the image and specificity, but it doesn’t serve the message.
17. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on in the same fashion that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: pubs traded for yoga studios; hangovers for hip replacements.
*last phrase missing something. Incorporate concept of new-age spiritualism. Find more fluid phrasing.
18. Yoga classes offer a way to ease the day’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on in the same fashion that generated the stress and anxiety to begin with: yoga studios as new-age pubs; hip replacements as new-age hangovers.
*too verbose and awkward after hyphen. Shorten. “Generated” also feels clunky.
19. Yoga classes are a popular way to ease life’s stress and anxiety—so that one might carry on in the same stressed, anxious fashion: yoga studios as new-age pubs; hip replacements as new-age hangovers.
*stress and anxiety, though not entirely synonymous, convey roughly the same idea in this context. Only need one.
20. Yoga classes are a popular way to ease life’s anxieties—so one might carry on in the same anxious fashion: yoga studios as new-age pubs; hip replacements as new-age hangovers.
Process Commentary
Finally I’ve arrived at something that feels complete, fluid, and conveys the fundamental insight. Notice I tinkered with the first version 13 times before finally shifting directions in a major way. I worked on it until I felt I’d reached an impasse, but also caught a glimpse of what the obstacle was. Then I put it aside for the evening, and retuned to it the following afternoon.
The biggest struggle was that I was fixated on editing the original phrasing, when that phrasing had a critical flaw. It conveyed the message that yoga itself was somehow equivalent to alcohol, when this was not heart of my insight. The insight is instead about how most people USE practices like yoga asana. Yoga CAN BE USED to prod at existential questions and process psycho-emotional trauma, but is seldom used this way.
After about five years of teaching yoga professionally, I began to notice that most people who attend yoga classes were using it as a form of escapism or fixation to cope with dysfunctional behavior patterns generating anxiety in their lives. They’d show up to yoga class to get a buzz and feel better for time. But over time, getting to know many, many students personally, I consistently noticed the capacity for this to enable their dysfunctional patterns outside of class to continue, because it removed just enough anxiety to convince them they were fine so they could go back and blindly do the same circular bullshit tomorrow. There was a lot of spiritual talk ABOUT healing in yoga culture, but no actionable, systematic practices offered in this regard. There was a fundamental failure to use practice as a modality for observing and confronting these dysfunction behaviors.
Anyway, you get the idea. What I wanted to demonstrate with this mini workshop is that aphorisms rarely fall out of your head looking sharp and sparkly.
Collectively this probably took me 4-5 hours of work and thinking. 4-5 hours to refine the idea and write one sentence. Of course this is in part because I wrote everything out for the sake of this exercise. Without writing it, maybe it would have taken a third less time. I don’t know. But 4 hours is not an unreasonable amount of work for this kind of writing. Sometimes it’s even more than this. I’ve left certain aphorisms aside for months at a time, just to explore, test, and passively compost the idea in my day-to-day life.
Some, on the other hand, come out pristine on the first or second go. “To properly nurture a thing also means to sometimes injure it,” and, “The truth can, for us, only be accessed through metaphor; perhaps truth itself is a metaphor,” are examples of aphorisms that finished how they started, with nearly no editing. So be open to that possibility as well. But notice if you get disheartened after only a few tries. More often than not, a good aphorism has to go through fire and refinement many times. In this case it was about 20 revisions.
I’ve included some notes after most of the revisions to let you in on my thought process a bit. But there are many changes that aren’t explained in the notes. To find those you’ll have to look and compare closely.
My hope is that in exposing this step-by-step evolution it will reinforce the tools outlined in the Aphoristic Writing Guide, and you’ll be able to better integrate these into your own unique process.
Devin